Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
