Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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