fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
