you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize