I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
