I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
