I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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