Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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