How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
