Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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