I'm passing your future prison.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
