Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
