she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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