Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
