I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
