There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
