Are we in a gay sports bar?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
