Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
