my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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