i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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