in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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