is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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