also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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