I just made out with a guy for $7.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
