Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
