i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
