it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
