11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
