shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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