Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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