The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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