They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
