I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
