help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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