went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
