Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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