I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
