i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
