Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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