my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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