I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
