He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
