I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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