You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
