Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
