so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
