True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
