So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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