he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
