He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
