I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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