Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
