went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
