I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
But break dance skills will only take you so far
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
