I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
