I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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