Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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