Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
