I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background