Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me