Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.