on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
What a dumb baby whore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID