Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
