oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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