Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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