Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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