Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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