i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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