i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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