I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's never too late to be topless.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
