i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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