Banned from zoo.
Again?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
