are you still at the devil's house?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
