You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
