we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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