i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
