OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
